Kansas Redefines Relativity, Gravity, and Other Scientific Theories

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After adopting intelligent design as an alternative to the theory of evolution, the Kansas Board of Education (KBE) continues on its role to redefine Science for public schools in the state. The KBE voted today in favor of adopting a number of alternative explanations to scientific theories. Affected theories include the theory of gravity, which must now be taught in schools together with the divine attractor hypothesis, and the theory of tides, which must be presented alongside the sacred wave religious interpretation. "When mentioning earthquakes," a KBE board member said, "teachers must also refer to the holy wrath concept." It is not yet clear how the theory of relativity will be taught. "Nobody in Kansas really understands the theory of relativity, so we're still struggling on that one. Still, the E = mc2 equation looks gay and sexy with the m next to the c and the 2 on top. It will most certainly be changed to something more adequate to the moral and religious values of our state."

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