Acting Intelligent

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A few tips on how to act to pretend you are more intelligent than you really are:

  • Wear glasses. They add around 10 IQ points.

  • Try to be bald. It makes people think your ideas just burst out of your head and drag your hair with them.

  • In a discussion, pretend to listen and understand other people's points of view. I know it's hard, particularly when talking to wives but do not be afraid of sentences such as: "Amazing! She wore the same shoes that night too. Wow!"

  • At every opportunity claim to have read something in a book. For example, "It's interesting, [interlocutor's name], because I remember a similar point of view in Plato's masterpiece Timaeus." (Let's face it, no-one alive has read Timaeus, so whatever you say others will believe you.)

  • Pretend to have a side-interest in some cultural activity like music, writing, etc. No-one will ever ask you to play, say, the harp, but you can claim it as a relaxing hobby. If someone actually asks you to play the harp, excuse yourself due to an annoying tendinitis from too much practise.

  • Develop your communication skills. Learn how to write properly and how to speak to an audience. In other words, do not behave like a rapper or footballer.

  • Do not claim to be descendant from aliens. Avoid sentences such as: "I don't care what you think. My parents back in Andromeda never told me I needed glasses."

Suggestions, ideas, and all types of criticisms are welcome. Please contact me.

Copyright © 2003 by João Pedro de Magalhães. All rights reserved.